Learn The Lingo

Soon 2012 will be upon us. And in the Summer many will be packing their bags and heading to London, England, to see the Olympic games.

If you are one of those heading to London - Enjoy yourself, have fun, and try not to stand out as a tourist too much. But are you really ready? Think you know the English language? Think again.

Cockney rhyming slang is believed to have originated in the mid-19th century in the East End of London, with several sources suggesting some time in the 1840s. It remains a matter of speculation whether rhyming slang was a linguistic accident, a game, or a cryptolect developed intentionally to confuse non-locals. If deliberate, it may also have been used to maintain a sense of community. It is possible that it was used in the marketplace to allow traders to talk amongst themselves in order to facilitate collusion, without customers knowing what they were saying. Another suggestion is that it may have been used by criminals to confuse the police.

Wherever it started  - cockney rhyming slang has remained, evolved, and is still in use. So without further ado here are some of the phrase you may hear around London while enjoying the Olympic games and a whole host of other great things that London has to offer.

Bubble Bath - Laugh. Usually shortened to just 'bubble' such as "You're having a bubble." Meaning "You're having a laugh." Often used as a reply to someone who says something outrageous which may, or may not, be a lie.

Ruby Murray - Curry. A spicy dish originating from India and now firmly part of the English heritage. Once again shortened, usually, to 'Ruby'. "I was at the Bengal last night and had a Ruby." meaning "I was at the Bengal restaurant last night and had a curry."

Butcher's Hook - Look. Shortened to 'butchers'. Replacing the word look only when actually looking at something. "Here, mate, have a butcher's at this would ya." meaning "Hey friend, have a look at this would you."

Pork Pies - Lies. Shortened down to 'porkies' as in "I know you are just telling me a load of porkies." meaning "I know you are just telling me a pack of lies." For those wondering - while you are in London head to the local store and pick up some pork pies (the actual product not lies); you won't be disappointed. Its a pie with pork wrapped in some weird jelly.

Whistle And Flute - Suit. Generally shortened to just 'whistle' as in "Alright Paul, nice whistle you got on there mate." meaning "Alright Paul, nice suit you are wearing mate."

Bees And Honey - Money. Usually shortened to just 'bees' as in "Give me the bees." which obviously is "Give me the money." Something if you are a tourist you will hear a lot; especially from taxi drivers that take the long route.

Adam And Eve - Believe. Finally one that isn't usually shortened. "I just saw the price of tickets. I couldn't Adam and Eve it." Which obviously means "I just saw the price of tickets. I couldn't believe it." As tourists you'll hear this one said about you more than anything - "You won't Adam and Eve it but those two over there are from Vegas."

Apples And Pears - Stairs. Another one that is not shortened. "Bedtime kids. Get yourself up the apple and pears." which means "Bedtime kids. Get yourself up the stairs."

There are hundreds more to learn and remember. But stay sharp and observe what goes on in old blighty and you'll soon pick the rest up.

Hell: A Holiday Destination?

Last night I saw the beginning of the end; more commonly known as Armageddon. Well actually I only saw it in a dream. There was a small beam of light that came from the clouds and hit the ground. This happened in Jerusalem; and as the beam of light got wider and wider, radiating out further and further, it removed all the people who were destined not to experience Heaven. Long story short - I went to Hell after seeing many lying reporters taken first.

And this is where the dream gets weird. It turns out Hell is not as bad as it is made out; at least not in my experience.

The worse bit about Hell was the wait to get in. Which thinking about it afterwards isn't no big problem considering you are there for eternity. So a little wait to get in isn't such a bad thing.

Anyhow, after the wait in a line that was really long I made it to the front. Seems Saint Peter is not the only one with a book. My name was checked and I was lead to a room. In the room was a load of broken computers in various states of repair; and my punishment was to repair all these computers for eternity. How the hell did Satan know? No big issue it'll give me something to do to while away the time.

But the weird thing about Hell is that there was some form of 'Condemned Rights' because every eight hours the door unlocked and I was allowed to relax and wander around for 30 minutes; before returning to my room. I was never late so I can't say how strict they were on timing.

If the eternal damnation is repairing computers forever that is fine by me. And I'll be honest here and say that until I die I don't care what any book says something is like. For all I know the whole Bible could be a Public Relations stunt for the Catholic church. I've been on one or two vacations that did not live up to the description put forth by the brochure.

There is nothing to say Heaven is as good as it is made out; and likewise there is nothing to say Hell is all that bad. Nobody has ever come back and hit Angie's List to give a review of either place.

So if I am expected to believe a book that was written 2000 and some years ago I'd believe the commercials advertising Mexico without mentioning drug cartels the second you cross the border. I'm going to worry that Hell is a bad place because of a biased review some 2000 years ago? 2000 years is a long time; they may have improved things since then and just nobody has been able to come back and say "Hey Hell isn't so bad. I got a lovely suite. Only complaint I have is it is too hot outside; but hey my suite has air conditioning."

I'll wait until I die and see what happens. My own personal favorite idea for Heaven is a small little pub, with good tunes on the jukebox, and full of people from history that I want to talk to and ask questions. And that kind of ties in with my belief - If there is a Heaven and Hell I'll find out when I die; and if I died to get there then there is no point worrying through life of what it is like. Not like I can get to Hell and put a complaint in to my 'Travel Rep' that it doesn't live up to expectations.

No Smoking In Your Own Vehicle

Smoking bans are now in place in all sorts of places, including restaurants, bars, and parks as well as workplaces. Now the group that represents doctors in Britain is calling on the government to snuff out smoking in cars - a step that would go beyond regulations elsewhere.

Absolutely not. Not on my watch. Now in the article I read it mentioned Australia, Canada, and parts of the U.S., have banned smoking in vehicles when children are present. Which I, personally, agree with. But the same 'medical' evidence that Britain is using to try and get this ban in place also proves that the Australian, Canadian, and U.S., laws kind of don't make sense.

If the ban is only in place when a child is actually in the car; Mrs Jones can happily puff away while on the way to school to pick up young Jimmy. But the 'medical' evidence says:

"Smoking in enclosed spaces is especially dangerous. Outdoors, smoke gets carried away on the breeze - one puff and it goes away. But in a car the smoke is recycled. What's more toxic residue from cigarette smoke can linger on surfaces even after the air has cleared."

So, even after the air in the car is allegedly cleared the cigarette smoke lingers. So Mrs Jones is still slowly killing young Jimmy. Which, in turn makes the law, and proposed laws in Britain, pointless.

Plus there is the fact that I am pretty sure the British police will be unable to police such a law anyway. I don't foresee high-speed chases along the M25 for Mrs Jones because an eagle-eyed cop spotted her puffing on a Benson & Hedges while little Jimmy sat in the back seat.

The main thing that worries me in the article is that it doesn't mention how much was spent to work out that cigarette smoke is bad for kids in cars. Everyone, myself as a smoker, knows cigarette smoke is bad. And as an intelligent person I know that in an enclosed place it is even worse. But I don't need a law to tell me that - commonsense tells me that. So as a smoker, with commonsense I don't smoke in vehicles when children are present; and if I know a child will be getting in my car anytime soon when I do smoke in the vehicle I have all the windows, and the sunroof, open.

If a parent needs to be told by law that they are endangering their children's lives by smoking with them in the car I don't think they are really going to care. It comes down to personal responsibility. And, obviously, the more responsible parents will choose not to smoke in the car - or even better just give up smoking so their kids don't see it as 'OK' to smoke.

Animal Cruelty

A Zoo in Canada will split gay penguins Buddy and Pedro. Canadian officials say the African penguins show signs of mating rituals and same-sex behavior usually seen towards females.

Now, homosexuality isn't my choice at all but - and I'm going to go out on a limb here - wouldn't forcing a gay penguin to mate with a female penguin be classed as 'cruelty to animals'?

Canada Criminal Code, R.S.C. 1985, c. C-46, s. 445(1)(a) states: "Every one commits an offence who wilfully causes or, being the owner, wilfully permits to be caused unnecessary pain, suffering or injury to an animal or a bird."

Unnecessary pain or suffering? Surely forcing a gay penguin to go with a female penguin is covered.

So why is the Canadian zoo not being prosecuted under the law? In theory they could be looking at either 5 years in prison or a $10,000 fine.

But will anything happen? No. Because although, as a whole, mankind likes to think it has created laws to protect animals mankind can break these laws in the pursuit of saving these animals. But why do these animals need saving? Because mankind moved in on their territory and slowly destroyed it by drilling, building, and basically raping the land of anything worth while.

See the penguin species, these two gay penguins belong to, may be down to 225,000; but it is only down because mankind made it that way.

And now mankind is going to force these two penguins, who may have made a conscious decision, to mate with females against their will.

Animals are supposedly looked after by man - but only when it is in mankind's best interest. As a whole we need to remember that via evolution, or biblical creation, the animals were here before we came along. And as such they should be allowed to remain here when mankind is finally evicted from the Earth for screwing it up too much.

If the law, all over the world, can slowly move forward to more and more rights for gay and lesbian humans; shouldn't the same be said for gay and lesbian animals?

If mankind can make choices about their sexuality then surely the animal kingdom should be allowed to do the same also.

Prolific Serial Killers

What makes one serial killer more prolific than another? The number of victims usually. Sure some serial killers stand out because their crimes are more gruesome but in the league of serial killers the number one spot is purely based on the number of people you kill.

The following is all those of the 20th and 21st century; and includes not just the lone serial killers but also the medical serial killers and the serial killer couples.

For a more factual purpose I have given each killer a 'Kill Rate'. This figure is based on how many people they killed over how many years. For example a 'Kill Rate' of 6.2 would mean on average they killed 6.2 people a year.

So without further ado lets just go right to the number 1 spot:

1. Harold Shipman; United Kingdom - was killing between 1975 and 1998. And in that time he took a confirmed 218 lives. Shipman was a doctor who killed his patients by injecting them with diamorphine; and would falsify medical records to make it look like his patient had been of poor health. Shipman was convicted in 2000 and received 15 life sentences. 4 years later Harold Shipman committed suicide and hung himself in prison. (Kill Rate: 9.48)

2. Luis Alfredo Garavito; Colombia - was killing in the nineties; the exact time he started is unknown but the end of 1999 when he was apprehended is exact. He was proven to have killed 138; but estimates of actual victims are closer to 400. Surprisingly by the law at the time, in Colombia, Garavito was sentenced to the maximum of 30 years but after assisting police in their investigations to locate the bodies this was reduced to 22 years. (Kill Rate: 15.33)

3. Pedro Alonso Lopez; Colombia - was killing between 1969 and 1980. He than time he took a confirmed 110 lives; although estimates put him at closer to 300. Known as "The Monster of the Andes". Targeted young girls, between the ages of 8 and 12. Arrested in 1980 and convicted in 1983 of killing 110 young girls but confessed to killing 300. Though he is often considered the most prolific serial killer of the 20th century, he was released in 1998 after it was declared he had been rehabilitated. Current whereabouts unknown. (Kill Rate: 10.00)

4. Miyuki Ishikawa; Japan - was killing throughout the forties until arrested in 1948. She killed 103 newborn babies. As a maternity nurse she killed infants born to parents unwilling to care for them during the prohibition of abortion in Japan. She was sentenced to just 4 years in prison. (Kill Rate: 12.87)

5. Pedro Rodrigues Filho; Brazil - was killing between 1967 to 2003. He was convicted of killing 75 people although estimates put the real figure over 100. He started killing at the age of 14. He killed his father and ate a piece of his heart. (Kill Rate: 2.08)

6. Daniel Barbosa; Colombia - between 1974 to 1986 killed 72 people; primarily young girls. Believed to have been motivated to kill from his stepmother abusing him as a child. Some estimates have put a 'true' figure of more than 150. (Kill Rate: 6.00)

7. Gary Ridgway; United States - between 1982 to 2000 killed 71 escorts and prostitutes. He would proposition a prostitute, drive to the banks of the Green River, and strangle her to death. After murdering his victim he would dump her body near the nearby water; he earned the title of the Green River Killer. Although he confessed to 71 he was eventually convicted of just 49; but it is thought that his actual victim count is closer to 90. (Kill Rate: 3.94)

8. Yang Xinhai; China - from 1999 to 2003 killed 67. He would enter victims homes at night and kill everyone with axes, meat cleavers, hammers, and shovels. He was known as Monster Killer and was executed in 2004. (Kill Rate: 16.75)

9. Andrei Chikatilo; Soviet Union - killed 53 women and children between 1978 to 1990; earning him the title of the 'Butcher of Rostov'. Although Chikatilo was executed in 1994 three people had been previously convicted and executed for his crimes. (Kill Rate: 4.42)

10. Anatoly Onoprienko; Soviet Union - was labeled 'Citizen O'. Convicted of killing 52 people between 1989 to 1996 and sentenced to death; which was later commuted to life imprisonment. He was apprehended after his relatives gave police information. (Kill Rate: 7.43)

That is the top ten serial killers of the 20th and 21st centuries so far.

As a side note the top 10 serial killers changes somewhat when the 'Kill Rate' is used and looks like so:

1. Yang Xinhai; China (16.75)
2. Luis Alfredo Garavito; Colombia (15.33)
3. Miyuki Ishikawa; Japan (12.87)
4. Pedro Alonso Lopez; Colombia (10.00)
5. Harold Shipman; United Kingdom (9.48)
6. Anatoly Onoprienko; Soviet Union (7.43)
7. Daniel Barbosa; Colombia (6.00)
8. Andrei Chikatilo; Soviet Union (4.42)
9. Gary Ridgway; United States (3.94)
10. Pedro Rodrigues Filho; Brazil (2.08)

As another side note it has to be said that the 'Kill Rate' is very unscientific as it is doubtful that any of the serial killers listed actually spread their killings out with such precision as to only kill so many per year.

Good news is that these 10 serial killers were all caught. Bad news is that if you live in the United States the FBI estimate that there are 35 active serial killers at any one time.

Welcome To - Yet Another Opinion

The Internet needs another opinion like Lindsay Lohan's arm needs another track. But that is exactly what this blog is - an opinion.

All of the time the opinions on the blog will be made by me, excluding the comments, and will based on what I know or feel. Every now and again I may do some research before posting - but usually not too often.

As this blog is going to be about 'whatever' there is no guarantee what the content within will be either. One day it may be about computers and the next day (or whenever I post) it may be about crack dealers and the rising price of crack.

Also the language on this blog will be exactly as I think it; and would say it. Sometimes I use cuss words. I don't use cuss words for any other reason than something pisses me off or I feel strongly about a particular subject.

For those that may be slightly interested I am the author that gave you the MJHDC blog, the Hoax News Network blog and created the characters Homeless Dave and Starving Marvin.