If I Was God: Everybody Makes Mistakes

None of us are perfect; although we may be perfect for each other, but we all make mistakes in life. Most of these mistakes are little that on the grand scale of things can be forgiven and forgotten.

But then there are those mistakes which cannot be forgotten. But why should people have to live their lives and when when the day of judgement comes some mistake they made is going to be the reason they are stuck in Hell watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians for an eternity rather than living in eternal paradise?

God: Name?
Derek: Derek Matthews.
God: Age?
Derek: I'm dead.
God: I mean your age when you died.
Derek: Oh I see. 87.
God: Ah. There you are. I see you were a good child.
Derek: Yes. Sunday school every week without fail; even when I had my tonsils out. Visited my grandparents regularly. Helped our elderly neighbour whenever she asked.
God: I see that. Got it all written here in the Book of Life. Says you did well at school, joined the army, got married, and had two children.
Derek: And very proud of them I am too.
God: Left the army with honours. Worked until you were 65, then you retired and used your time helping others.
Derek: Just doing my bit.
God: Yes, very commendable. But wait a minute, it says here you killed someone. Surely it must be a mistake. You were in the army - it was expected.
Derek: Well a few. You know.
God: Yes I do. I see it says here you killed an innocent, unarmed, man in cold blood. And for the rest of your life you showed not one ounce of remorse.
Derek: Well I can explain that.
God: That is what they all say.
Derek: No. Hear me out. It was during the war. We was taking a small village from a group of terrorists.
God: And the man in question was a terrorist?
Derek: Well no. But I didn't know that.
God: So because you 'didn't know that' it makes it OK does it?
Derek: Well no.
God: Why no remorse then?
Derek: It was a war. Things happen. You put them out of your mind.
God: You don't even know that Abdul had four children, and the only reason he was in that village was because he was stealing food to feed his starving children.
Derek: Like I said I never thought about it.
God: I'm sorry. I know you are a good person at heart but you never asked for forgiveness for taking the life of Abdul. Just no way I can let you in Heaven. Sorry. If you take the elevator down you'll find yourself in Hell.
Derek: Can I appeal?
God: It is not a court of law. No. Sorry. Enjoy season three.

Just because he didn't ask for forgiveness Derek will spend an eternity in Hell with the Kardashians.

But it doesn't need to be that way. Being good should have some lifelines for when you screw up. No 'phone a friend', no 'ask the audience', and no '50/50'. But how about 3 'Get out of Hell' cards

Made a mistake? It is a big one? Don't want to to ask the local priest for forgiveness? No worries - just use one of your cards.

That way everyone gets a few chances and no need to worry about mistakes. Life is too short to worry about that sort of thing.

But there will have to be some some small print. Which will read:

"Legal Notice: This card is a 'Get Out of Hell' card and may be used by the bearer once only. This card is non-transferable. This card cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer. This card cannot be used in certain circumstances - see www.God.com/terms for full details. Card not valid in Alabama or Texas."

Made it this far? I'm guessing you are wondering what the exclusions are.

Child abuse, rape, a man hitting a woman, suicide, and last but by no means least - watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Now, good people like Derek can make their way into Heaven.

It is what a forgiving God would do. And more importantly it is what I would do if I was your God.