Sunday, 5 October 2014

If I Was God: Elect Your Own God

Who made God God? Nobody. It is just believed there was nothing before him and when it is all said and done without him there would be nothing. But that is just a theory propagated by the Bible. There is no proof that God did everything.

Look at Sir Isaac Newton. He supposedly found gravity. Did it exist before him? Yes. Just he was the one to tell everyone about it. He didn't create gravity but an apple falls on his head and all of a sudden he is the creator of gravity.

How do we know God didn't just stumble on the whole universe and say: "Hey if nobody wants this universe I'll take it."? Or was it the last universe on a plate of universes and every other God was too polite to take it and then God said: "Oh for Christ's sake I'll take it."? Even though at that point the other Gods may have been wondering who or what a Christ is and why he has sake.

The point is that there is no proof that God created anything. I'll admit some things go in such a cycle you could think someone created it. But it still doesn't say God created it. And with that in mind, if God is merely the caretaker, shouldn't the position of God be open for election?

Millions dying in Africa from starvation. War all over the place. And the Kardashians are allowed to live. Hardly seems that God is doing such a great job. Might be time to elect someone else and get someone in to do the job properly.

Setting up an election for the position of God is no easy feat though. You can't just have anybody standing. It would be complete madness; with 144,000 people running for the position. So, first thing first - every country gets to put one person forward; which still gives us 196 candidates for the position of God. Now we need a knock-out round so that there is just one candidate from each continent (Asia, Africa, North America, South America, Europe, Australia, and Antarctica). That gets us down to 7 candidates. Not a bad figure to play with in setting up an election.

Now some rules as to who can stand:
  • Someone over 30. It might be considered ageist but it'll go like all the talent reality shows if an age isn't set. And before you know it God is some 5-year old because they are the cutest.
  • Never committed a crime; or at least never been caught.
  • Has no children. Don't want this turning into some 'Royal family' where the God-ship is passed to someone just because they fell out the royal crutch. That may be OK for running a country but not for running a universe.
That is pretty much it as far as rules go for being eligible for becoming God. And as you may have noticed God can be a woman. Lets be honest, 2000 years of a male god hasn't really worked out too well. So maybe it could be time to elect a woman God - and yes she is a God not a Goddess; nobody wants to be paying for all the changes when a male is elected after a female or vice-versa.

Now if God is doing a shit job there is no need to start wailing and thinking that 'end times' are coming. Just elect a new God who can do the job properly.

It would be a good time to stop reading this and go campaigning to see if you can get your country and continent vote. And good luck. Oh, if you see my name on the final ballot remember I gave you this power as your last unelected God to elect me.

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