Sunday, 21 December 2014

Modern Grimm Tale: Little Red Riding Hood

Based on the fairy tale "Little Red Riding Hood"


Mrs Red-Riding-Hood was a lazy woman. She wasn't always lazy but after two failed marriages she had pretty much given up. Her days revolved around the daytime TV schedule as she collected benefits for being obese. Mrs Red-Riding-Hood, whose first name has so little importance that I won't even mention it, was obese but this was because Little Red-Riding-Hood, her daughter, fed her chips, pizza, fried chicken, and other unhealthy food whenever she shouted for it.

You can't blame Little Red-Riding-Hood. If she didn't do as she was ordered she quite often felt the TV remote hit her squarely in the back of the head as she ignored her mother. If you are wondering how Little got the name you can thank her mother who misheard the registrar and when asked for a first name thought she was asked for a description.

Little had a horrible life. Her mother did enough caring so that Child Protective Services wouldn't take her live-in slave away. Her father, Dave Riding, was long gone before the birth, her step-father, Peter Hood, was either drunk or trying to get Rose to sit on his lap for a 'special ride'. The happiest day of Little's life was when her step-father left one day to pick up some more beer and never came back.

The story begins one Saturday afternoon on a cold January. Mrs Red-Riding-Hood was watching the omnibus edition of the daytime soap drama that she had already seen throughout the week. Little was in the kitchen trying to boil the sweat stains from her mother's bras. A typical Saturday afternoon in the Red-Riding-Hood household.

When suddenly the silence was broken.

Mother: LITTLE!
Little: What?
Mother: Where the fuck are those chips that I asked for over 2 hours ago?
Little: You ate them.
Mother: Don't lie to me girl. I brought you into this world I can sure as fuck take you out of it.
Little: Not without getting out of your chair you can't.
Mother: Don't you dare back chat me you little bitch. It's because of you I can't get a man.
Little: I think you'll find the fact that you are 360 pounds is more a problem than a 14 year old daughter.
Mother: Just do as I fucking ask without all the complaining. And while you are at it bring me a diet Coke.
Little: (to herself) Why don't you get out the chair and get them yourself you fat bloody cow?
Mother: I heard that you ungrateful shit.
Little: (to herself) Surprised you hear anything over the TV.
Mother: And when you have done that I need you to go see your Grandmother, take her some of that health food the Salvation Army gave us. I am never going to eat that stuff. Who wants tinned vegetables in their body?
Little: I'm busy. Can't it wait?
Mother: You won't be happy if you get there and she is dead from starvation.
Little: She cooks her own food. When is she fucking starving?
Mother: Don't you fucking use that language with me you little shit. I didn't bring you up to be some foul-mouthed whore that has no respect for her elders.
Little: For fucks sake I'll do it later.
Mother: Damn right you will do it.
Little: I just said I would didn't I?
Mother: And hurry up with them pissing chips.
Little: ALRIGHT! I'm coming.

It was just a Saturday afternoon, like every Saturday afternoon in the Red-Riding-Hood house.

Little spent the afternoon doing all the chores that she did every Saturday. Going to see her Grandmother was the only thing she had to look forward to. She whiled away the hours while she scrubbed floors and cleaned by imagining ways that her mother could be killed. Maybe while she was visiting her Grandmother someone would break in and rape her mother and then beat her until she was dead. Maybe the gas would have a leak and when her mother lit yet another cigarette she'd blow up. Maybe her mother would just simply die as her heart gave out. Nah, if her mother was going to die she wanted it to be good. Maybe the Muslim down the road was a terrorist and would take her mother hostage, tie her up in the basement, and after sodomising her for days with various sharp objects just to watch the fat infidel bleed he would cut her throat and put the video on Youtube to show the world.

It was seven in the evening by the time Little was ready to go see her Grandmother.

Little: OK. I'm off to see Grandmother.
Mother: Will you shut up I'm watching my show here.
Little: I was just saying that ...
Mother: OK so you are going. You don't have to make a big announcement about it.
Little: Do you want to come too?
Mother: Do I fuck. I want to enjoy the peace and quiet while you are away. Always under my feet you are. I don't know why you don't get your own place to live.
Little: Because I'm only 14 might be why.
Mother: When I was your age I was living with my uncle in a small one bedroom flat. I was pregnant with your brother when I was bloody 15.
Little: I have a brother?
Mother: Do you fucking see a brother? He died before you was born. After the police investigation, and the trial, it was ruled an accidental death.
Little: How come you have never mentioned ...
Mother: I already told you I'm watching my show so can you shut the fuck up and let me enjoy it?

The door slammed as Little left the house.

Her Grandmother lived close. It was just a twenty minute walk. She had walked it many times. This time however she was met by a policeman.

Policeman: OK. What are you doing?
Little: Nothing.
Policeman: That is what they all say.
Little: Maybe you should be a little less suspicious of people.
Policeman: It is what I do. You think crime solves itself?
Little: Well it certainly isn't solved by nosey bastards asking kids what they are up to when clearly they are doing nothing. Maybe if you went after real criminals there would be less crime to solve.
Policeman: OK enough of your cheek you little brat. Whats in the bag?
Little: Drugs, sex toys, and a home-made bomb.
Policeman: Let me have a look.
Little: I said it was a bomb, and you as a street cop want to start messing with it?
Policeman: Well I doubt it is a bomb.
Little: Wasn't aware the police force trained all of you to be bomb experts.
Policeman: OK that is enough of your lip. You are under arrest.
Little: What the fuck for?
Policeman: I don't know. I'll make something up on the way to the station.
Little: That is bullshit. I was just on my way to take some food to my Grandmother. Didn't know I was going to be stopped for walking.
Policeman: Your Grandmother live alone? That's not very safe.
Little: I'm touched by your concern after wanting to arrest a 14 year old for doing nothing but walking. This is why so much crime goes unsolved - because of corrupt cops who think they are judge, jury, and executioner.
Policeman: No need to be all pissy, we can sort this out here if you'd rather ...
Little: Oh I see. You want a bribe to top up your low pay.
Policeman: I never said anything about money.
Little: You that hard up for cash you have started accepting food?
Policeman: Well I am hard but not for food if you get my drift.
Little: No I don't get your drift. Care to explain in detail so it'll sound better in court you sick bastard?
Policeman: (grabbing Little by the arm) Just get in the car, you suck me off and I'll let you go.
Little: Get your filthy pig hands off me. You think I'm going to blow you then you might want to think again.
Policeman: (pulling Little towards the car) Just get in you little slut.
Little: (screaming) RAPE! RAPE! Someone get this fucking sick pervert off of me.
Policeman: Shut the fuck up. You know you'll love it.
Little: (biting the policeman's hand as he covers her mouth) Fuck off you pervert.
(Little runs off)
Policeman: You can run you little fucking cunt but I'll find you again soon.

Little was taken aback by all that happened with the policeman and sat on a bench as she had a cigarette. She shuddered as the policeman drove by; smiling at her. Little decided to go home.

Once at home Little's mother was instantly on her. She was complaining that she was back early and that she was enjoying the time alone. Little could see she was enjoying the time alone by the way her mother's hand was pushed down her skirt and still gently moving as she shouted at her. Eventually Little decided to just go to her Grandmother's house and take a different and longer route so she could avoid the policeman. She was sorry with herself for thinking that her mother would give a damn about her.

Meanwhile, the policeman had made his way to Grandmother's house. He knocked on the door.

Grandmother: Who is it?
Policeman: Police.
Grandmother: I'm sorry. I never called the police.
Policeman: We have had some reports of a burglar hanging around. I'm just checking you are alright.
Grandmother: Oh that is nice. I am fine thank you.
Policeman: Could you open the door so I can see for myself.
Grandmother: Just a minute.
(The door unlocks. As Grandmother opens the door slightly the policeman pushes the door open)
Policeman: (Pushes Grandmother back) Get in there you old bag.
Grandmother: Hey, what is going on?
Policeman: Shut the fuck up.
Grandmother: That is no way to speak to an old lady.
Policeman: (while punching her) I told you to fucking shut up.

Once Grandmother was on the floor the policeman sat on her. He wrapped his hands around her frail neck and started to strangle her. Grandmother, bless her, put up a good fight but the policeman was just too strong for her. She gasped her last breath.

But Grandmother's death was just the beginning. The policeman got off of her dead body. He undressed her, piling all of her clothes on a chair, then as he moved her body he took a couple of minutes to fondle her sagging breasts. He pushed her dead body into a cupboard and licked her naked skin before closing the door.

The policeman then undressed himself and started to put Grandmother's clothes on. He had her bra and underwear on when he noticed a mirror. He started to rub himself through the underwear as he watched himself in the mirror; he continued to rub himself until he was satisfied and the underwear was wet with his semen. He then finished getting dressed.

Little knocked on the door of her Grandmother's house. From inside she heard "Come inside dear." Little cringed. The only time her Grandmother called her dear was when she was a little tipsy after having one too many sherries. She walked in. The door slammed behind her.

Little: You are not my Grandmother.
Policeman: I know, I'm ...
Little: Oh shit. You are that bastard that wanted me to get in his cop car.
Policeman: And now because of you your Grandmother is fucking dead.
Little: You sick bastard. I'm calling the ...
Policeman: (as he grabbed Little) Calling who? The police?

Little struggled kicking and punching wildly. All it did was enrage the policeman. She felt a thump to the side of her head. When she awoke she was tied up; naked and on the couch.

Little: What the fuck?
Policeman: All in good time.
Little: What is your fucking problem?
Policeman: You, and every little girl like you.
Little: Me? I don't even know you. What possible problem could you have with me?
Policeman: You will grow up for another two years and then get pregnant, while you are drunk, by some guy you won't even remember in the morning. Then you'll become a problem for the state as it pours benefits on you.
Little: Fuck you. That isn't going to happen I'm a virgin.
Policeman: (smirking) All the better. I've been watching you.
Little: My mother knows I'm here. She'll be worried if I'm not back soon.
Policeman: (laughing) Your mother wouldn't notice if you never came back until she has to get out of her chair. Like I said I have been watching you.
Little: Bullshit. She will notice when her show is over and she wants a snack.
Policeman: Really? You really think that?
Little: (sobbing) OK she won't notice. Let us get this over with you sick bastard. Then I can go home.
Policeman: What makes you think I am letting you go?
Little: (crying) You have to. You have to.
Policeman: I don't have to do anything. I told you I was watching you. Your mother won't notice, nobody will miss your Grandmother until she doesn't turn up for Bingo on Thursday, and you nobody even cares if you exist.
Little: Fuck you.

The policeman removed Grandmother's dress that he was wearing, leaving him in just her bra and underwear. He started to rub Little's arm. Little felt his breath on her skin. She closed her eyes and prayed that it would all be over. She knew nobody heard her prayers. Nobody heard her prayers when her step-father had given her 'special rides' on his lap. All she could hope for was that the policeman would be done with her quickly and the nightmare would come to an end.

Little felt his fingers touch her breast. She let out a muffled scream as the tears continued to stream from her eyes. Then suddenly she felt his head slump onto her chest. She opened her eyes. The sight she saw was the policeman dead; blood pouring from a wound on his head. Behind him was her Grandmother; standing with some horrible looking ornament in her hands. The tears slowly stopped from Little's eyes.

Little: (still sobbing) Grandmother!
Grandmother: It is all over now.
Little: But he said you was dead.
Grandmother: (chuckling) At my age everyone thinks you are dead.

The Grandmother untied Little and helped her get her clothes on. The look of relief on the face of Little could be seen by her Grandmother.

Little: But what are we going to do now?
Grandmother: We call the police and tell them what happened.
Little: But what if they don't believe us?
Grandmother: Why wouldn't they? It would be the truth.
Little: But he is a cop. They always stick together.
Grandmother: What should we do then?
Little: Can't we get rid of the body somehow?
Grandmother: That is not the right thing to do.
Little: I don't want anything to happen to you Grandmother.
Grandmother: We'll think of something.

A few days later Little was at home cooking once again for her mother.

Mother: Hey where did you get these burgers from?
Little: Grandmother gave them to me.
Mother: Where did she get burgers to give away?
Little: (smiling) Some policeman gave them to her.

And they all lived happily ever after.  ... No they didn't.

An investigation was launched to find the missing policeman. So far no evidence of his whereabouts has shown up. Little's Grandmother is now living in assisted living and is teaching a self defence course in the local Community Centre on Wednesday afternoons. Little's Mother is still the bane of Little's life but for now everything seems better for Little because she knows what her Mother has eaten.

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