Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Modern Grimm Tale: The Pauper In Heaven

Based on the fairy tale "The Pauper In Heaven"

Life ends with death. It is a normal part of life. But what happens when we die is down to how we were to others before we died. Some go to Heaven and some go to Hell. Either way all may not be as it seems.

Paul: Well, I better be off home.
Bartender: Night then Paul.
Paul: I won't be in tomorrow.
Bartender: Why is that?
Paul: It's my birthday. I'll be 60.
Bartender: Even more reason to come in. The big 6-0. I'll even give you a free drink.
Paul: Thanks Jim. But I'll be doing the same thing this year as I do every year.
Bartender: You know she would have wanted you to enjoy your birthday. How long has it been now?
Paul: 14 years now since my lovely Diana was taken from me. Every year on my birthday I go and put fresh flowers on her grave.
Bartender: Really? That long? Seems like only yesterday that she was in here with you.
Paul: Yeah. Well, night Jim.
Bartender: Night Paul.

Paul made his way home. It was a short walk to his house. He said goodnight to the photograph of his wife Diana, and then went to sleep.

The following morning Paul awoke. He opened the birthday cards that he had and read them as he had his morning coffee. He hadn't really enjoyed a birthday since Diana had passed away. Now, to Paul, each birthday was just a day to remember even more how much he missed Diana being in his life. Paul cleaned himself up and got ready to go out.

He went straight to the flower shop. He got two dozen red roses; Diana's favourite. He couldn't really afford them but luckily a few friends had put money in his birthday cards. He then made his way to the graveyard.

As he was walking Paul noticed a man crossing the road. He had no idea why this particular man stood out. But then he noticed the bus heading towards the man. Paul dropped the roses and rushed to push the man out of the way of the oncoming bus. Just as he grabbed the man, to push him out the way, the bus struck both of them.

Richard: What? Who are you? Where are we?
Paul: There was a bus.
Richard: I don't see a bus.
Paul: I don't see anything.
Richard: Do you think we are dead?
Paul: I'm not sure.
Richard: My name is Richard by the way.
Paul: Paul. Nice to meet you I think.
Richard: Nice to meet you too. Any idea where we are.
Paul: Well if we are dead I'm hoping this is Heaven and not ... you know the other place.
Richard: I can't be dead I was just crossing the road.
Paul: I know. I tried to save you. There was a bus ...
Richard: You think we both died?
Paul: Maybe.

The two continue to talk not noticing a figure come up to them.

St Peter: Morning.
Richard: Morning. Where are we?
St Peter: Welcome to Heaven.
Richard: Holy sh*t!
St Peter: Exactly.
Richard: Wait a minute. Why did I get censored?
St Peter: No swearing in Heaven. It all gets censored.
Richard: And it doesn't count against me?
St Peter: No, you have earned your place in Heaven already.
Richard: Mind if I try it?
St Peter: (laughing) No, go right ahead.
Richard: F#*k this sh*t I am a f#*king God.
St Peter: Right now we have that out your system time to get you in Heaven.
Richard: Great.
St Peter: If you'd like to follow me.
Paul: Excuse me.
St Peter: You'll love Heaven Richard it is all you could ever dream of.
Richard: That is f#*king great.
Paul: Excuse me, you seem to be forgetting something.
St Peter: Just walk the red carpet, go in the big doors, and you will be taken care of.
Richard: Thanks.

Richard walks through the golden gates. As he walks the red carpet a fanfare is played by cherubs lining the red carpet. As he gets closer to the doors golden leaves start falling, and a string of angels come out to greet him. He walks through the doors with an angel on each arm. As he goes through the doors a loud cheer is heard from inside. The door shuts behind him.

Paul, still standing at the gates, gets angry as he seems to have been overlooked.

Paul: Hey you!
St Peter: Oh I'm sorry. How can I help?
Paul: I'm dead too. And I'm guessing I was meant to go in to Heaven too.
St Peter: (chuckling to himself) Of course you are. You wouldn't be here if you wasn't.
Paul: I died trying to save that guy's life.
St Peter: Ah I see. A two-for-one offer so to speak.
Paul: Well not how I'd put it but yes.
St Peter: OK. Well, go up the red carpet, through the doors and you are there.
Paul: Thank you.

Paul starts to walk the red carpet. As he walks he awaits the cherubs to start playing their fanfare. It doesn't happen. As he gets closer to the big doors he looks up to see if the golden leaves will fall. They don't. Slightly disheartened he continues expecting for angels to come and greet him. They don't.

Paul turns around and runs back to the gates where St. Peter is standing.

Paul: Hey what is the big idea?
St Peter: I'm sorry, were the doors locked? They are not really locked sometimes they just need an extra push.
Paul: I didn't get to the doors.
St Peter: Well, when you do be sure to give a big hard push.
Paul: What about the cherubs?
St Peter: Not needed.
Paul: What the f#*k? Richard went in, cherubs played a fanfare, golden leaves fell from above, and a bevy of angels greeted him. I walk the red carpet and the cherubs have f#*ked off, the golden leaves are nowhere to be seen, and the beautiful angels must be on some bullsh*t break time. If this is Heaven I think I might give H#ll a go.
St Peter: Oh you ...
Paul: Why the h#ll does H#ll get censored?
St Peter: Because this is Heaven. And to answer your other question the only reason he had cherubs, golden leaves, and angels was because we don't get many of his kind up here.
Paul: His kind?
St Peter: A rich person. Not many make it up here so when they do it is a pretty big affair.

Paul chuckles to himself. Turns around and walks the red carpet. He pushes the big doors open, and there inside was Diana waiting for him.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for your comment. Please note that all comments are not moderated and as such are not the responsibility of this blog; or its author.