Monday, 30 March 2015

The Easter Conspiracy

Is this the real Jesus?
A lot of so-called Christians have forgotten the true meaning of Easter. As they sit and wait for chocolate eggs, and bouquets of flowers, they forget that Jesus was reincarnated as a rabbit.

Before you all rush off to find that Bible sitting under an inch of dust; don't bother. It isn't in there. Along with the various books, paragraphs, and words that have been taken out over time - the Easter rabbit is another casualty.

Mark 16:5-7 originally read:
"As they entered the tomb, they saw a rabbit who was white. It was sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. "Don't be alarmed," said the rabbit. "You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. I am he. See the place where they laid me. But go, tell my disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him in the form of a rabbit, just as he told you.'""

But the idea that Jesus was a rabbit was something that the early church felt it couldn't sell to the most ardent of Christians; so they replaced  the rabbit with the more 'acceptable' Jesus; risen from the dead after three days.

But the early church couldn't hide the truth completely. This is why Jewish priests are known as rabbis, in honour of Christ who was reincarnated as a rabbit.

And as for the tradition of Easter eggs. It has nothing to do with a large rock. That is also something removed from the Bible because the church were unable to explain it.

Mark 15:46-47 originally read:
"So Joseph bought some linen cloth, took down the body, wrapped it in the linen, and placed it in a tomb cut out of rock. Then he rolled a giant dinosaur egg against the entrance of the tomb. Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Joses saw where he was laid."

That is why you get to enjoy Easter eggs; because a dinosaur egg was used to block the cave entrance while Jesus transformed into a rabbit.

For you to enjoy Easter, Jesus and a dinosaur died. But a rabbit was born.

If Jesus was around now he would be passing the chocolate eggs out; and saying "This egg represents an egg, nothing more nothing less. A lot smaller than the Titanosaur eggs I remember but still it is just a representation. Nobody said it was to scale. Happy Easter."

So enjoy Easter, and if someone says anything bad about eating chocolate eggs, handed out by a bunny rabbit, I'm pretty sure Jesus would say it is fine to crucify the heathens. But don't take my word for it, ask yourself: "What would Jesus the rabbit do?"

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