Thursday, 7 June 2012

Religion: Just A Scam?

The strangest part of any religion is that all of them are based solely on having faith that when you die something happens afterward.

Unfortunately the main problem is that the only way to find out if anything does happen is to die. So, religions can sell you faith based on a 'happy ever afterlife'; and until you die you cannot complain. And by then it is too late.

Sure there are people who claim to have died, seen Heaven or Hell, and come back to talk about it. But who really believes these people. Come on, if Lazarus came up to you and said "Hey I was dead, saw God, and then Jesus made me alive again" you would think he was high on crack. These people, like the religions, are selling you a dream; a possibility built on faith.

Lets get down to the nuts and bolts of all this. People follow a religion, trying to keep their God happy, purely so that when the lid on the coffin closes it doesn't end there; and they blissfully head off to their religious belief of the 'happy ever afterlife'.

And when you die you get the first problem. What if you picked the wrong religion. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of religions to choose from. What if you got the wrong one?

For arguments sake lets go with the idea that there is a God. What if you get to Heaven and you find out you picked the wrong religion; and pissed God off?

God: OK. Next.
Bill: Hello Sir.
God: Name?
Bill: Bill Jones.
God: Religion?
Bill: Jehovah Witness.
God: Really?
Bill: Yes Sir.
God: (chuckling) You believed in all that 'the end is nigh' stuff?
Bill: Yes Sir. It made a lot of sense.
God: May have made sense to you my friend; but it was all bullshit.
Bill: What? You cannot say that.
God: I'm God. This is my Heaven. I'll say whatever I please. Not my fault you chose a religion that has predicted end times since 1874.
Bill: But, but, but, they had to be right eventually.
God: Billy boy; you cast your fishing line into a river full of fish enough times; eventually you'll catch a fish. The guy wearing the sandwich board proclaiming 'The end is nigh' if he lives long enough eventually he will be right. I didn't see you following him.
Bill: But ...
God: I'm sorry Bill. I'm a forgiving God and all that but picking the wrong religion really pisses me off. I'd like to see you stay in Heaven, I really would, but you Billy boy are going straight to Hell.

(Any Jehovah Witness named Bill Jones - Don't panic it is just an example)

And that is the $64,000 question. Which religion, if any, is selling the truth about the afterlife?

Muslims, well some of them, believe if they blow themselves up for Allah when they get to Heaven there will be 72 virgins waiting for them. No mention if these virgins are male or female.

Abdul: Is this the complaints department?
Allah: Yes. How can I help?
Abdul: Well I have a complaint.
Allah: I see. What is it concerning?
Abdul: Well, I blew myself to bits, and killed 15 others in your name ...
Allah: In my name? What? Who have you told about this?
Abdul: Well, that is not the problem.
Allah: May not be a problem for you but my PR people are going to have a fit.
Abdul: Can I just tell you my complaint?
Allah: I'm not sure. This blowing yourself up in my name has me somewhat taken aback. Oh go on then seems you are here already.
Abdul: My 72 virgins. Well, they are all male.
Allah: And the problem is?
Abdul: Well, I'll be honest with you, I was kind of expecting them to be women if you catch my drift.
Allah: Ah, I see. Didn't take the time to read the small print did you?
Abdul: No. Not really. I just assumed ...
Allah: Never assume; if you had read the small print it does not mention the sex of the 72 virgins. You just get whatever I have lying around. You know what they say?
Abdul: What do they say?
Allah: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

(Once again; any Muslim named Abdul, intending to blow himself up, don't panic it is just another example)

And there is another problem. Something no religion really mentions. Heaven and Hell may in fact be the same place.

God: Next
Dave: That would be me.
God: Ah Dave Jackson. I see you did enough to warrant the everlasting afterlife in Heaven.
Dave: Thanks God.
God: Don't thank me. You put in the work. I just gave you the idea.
Dave: Thanks anyway.
God: So, off you go. Spend an eternity with your family and friends.
Dave: Sweet.
God: OK. Next.
Karl: I think you'll find that is me.
God: Karl Stevenson. Looking at my records you did enough to warrant the everlasting afterlife in Heaven.
Karl: I sure did. Wasn't always easy but I managed. Just like Job.
God: Job?
Karl: Yeah. The guy in the Bible.
God: Oh that. Anyway. For your faith I am rewarding you. Spend an eternity with your family and friends.
Karl: What the Hell?
God: There a problem?
Karl: I should say so. I spend my whole life serving you. Then, when I get to Heaven you want me to spend an eternity with my family.
God: And that is a problem?
Karl: Sure is. My Dad beat me on a regular basis until I ran away at thirteen. When I was eight my Mom tried to sell me to some guy for crack. And I have never even met my so-called sister.
God: Well nothing like an eternal family reunion to iron out a few problems.
Karl: This isn't Heaven it is Hell.

(Yet again; Dave Jackson and Karl Stevenson don't panic it is merely another example)

But that is the problem. Two people of the same religion may have completely differing views on what Heaven should really be. One man's treasure is another man's junk. Or in this case - one man's Heaven is another man's Hell.

Heaven, and Hell, is based on how a religion interpreted some ancient manuscript. And if they got it wrong if, and when, you get there it may not exactly be what you expected.

Then you have the other possibility. That after this life there is absolutely nothing. The lid closes and that is it. You either become worm food or a pile of ashes.

Is religion a scam? Depending on what you want from it then it very well could be.

1 comment:

  1. Edited edition for posting (pls don't release the original):

    Doggie, as I heard, they always said that all roads lead to Rome. I guess even the wrong road will lead to Rome, right?

    It doesn't matter "black or white"... girl is girl... right? I agree what you say that religion may just a Scam but God is not a Scam, isn't it?


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